Photo by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash

4 Ways to Be a Better Mom When You’re Hurting

When we’re going through or healing from heartbreak, our mind is really foggy. It’s hard to focus. We want to hide in a cocoon until the hurt stops. But at some point, we realize that because of our pain we aren’t showing up as the best version of ourselves as a mother. Why? Because we’re not giving ourselves the self-care and attention we so desperately need.

So, here are 4 ways you can move toward becoming an even more amazing mom when you’re heart is still broken.

Stop Lying to Yourself

So often, Moms going through a divorce have spent years telling themselves the lie that they just don’t have enough time when it comes to taking care of themselves physically and emotionally. Instead, they’ve put all their energy into meeting the needs of others and are now finding themselves with nothing more than measly leftover scraps.

Stop Starving Yourself

It can be very externally rewarding to give some much of ourselves to others. It makes us feel good…until we become overstressed, resentful and frustrated. The problem with giving all of our energy and attention to others is that we’re starving for our own attention.

There isn’t a time that this becomes more apparent in our lives than when we find ourselves going through the most difficult journey. It’s the time when we need our own self-care and self-compassion the most.

“But my kids needs come first.” I get it. But being a good mom is about more than shuffling kids to activities, buying them the latest gadgets or toys, going to every event or meeting their every request. It’s also about being our best as a human being. If you’re meeting their basic needs in life and you love them, you are already an amazing mom.

Be An Example

The very best thing we can do for our kids is to be an example of a life well-lived. Our kids usually don’t listen to much of what we say (if you have a teenager, you know this to be true). But they’re always watching and learning from our actions. That’s how we adopted the belief that giving endlessly of ourselves was just what we were supposed to do as a mother; because we watched our mothers do the same.

The needs of others can’t be dealt with at the expense of your own basic needs. Think of it this way…if someone really needs you, they need you to be at your best mentally, emotionally and physically. When you’re taking care of yourself, you will have so much more to give to them.

Yes, sometimes we have to make sacrifices. I’ve made many for my own family. And yes, everyone needs you in some way, but YOU need YOU. It’s through giving ourselves our own attention and growing ourselves that we set the best example for our kids.

Develop a Self-Care Plan

When going through a divorce and the subsequent heartbreak thereafter, one of the most useful things I did was to schedule in self-care for myself. Doing things that fed my soul in some way gave me comfort. Knowing I was taking care of myself, gave me peace.

Here is a list of the top 10 things I found helpful:

  • Hot bubble bath with candles
  • Listening to music and singing
  • Walking in the park
  • Exploring someplace new
  • Doing something creative (photography, painting, knitting, crafting)
  • Changing something up in my home (amazing what a new comforter set will do)
  • Decluttering a room (cluttered home = cluttered mind)
  • Journal (this was a life-saver)
  • Reading blogs that were comforting…like this one 😉
  • Having coffee or dinner with a girlfriend

Take care of YOU, Momma!

I would love to hear, in the comments below, what you’ve done for self-care during your difficult journey that was helpful.


Want more help getting through this difficult chapter in your life? Sign up for a free 30-minute discovery call with me and let’s get you feeling better.


Stacy R. Landry

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