6 Secrets to a Better Life
What would make your life better?
Most people think that the path to a better life is to change their external circumstances. So we try to control things (mostly other people) in order to find happiness. A way more effective way of making your life better is to change how you think and feel first. When you do this, things will start to change for you. Here are 6 Secrets to a Better Life.
Learn How to Manage Fear & Failure
They are two of my least favorite f-words…fear and failure. But in order to live a better life, you need to know how to manage both. Expect fear to always be there anytime you are doing something new. That’s why they call it “getting outside of your comfort zone.” It’s not comfortable, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move forward. So, tell fear to take the back seat and move forward anyway.
Failure is something many try to avoid. But failure is the key to success. Without failure, there is no success. Babies don’t learn to walk by being successful on the first try. They fail many times before they’re able to walk on their own. And they don’t beat themselves up about it every time they fall. They just get up and try again. None of us come out of the womb knowing how to be successful. We figure it out through failing, getting up, trying again…then doing it all over again. Failure just means you weren’t able to meet your own standards. That’s it. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or that you are no longer a valuable human being. It’s just data on what to do differently next time.
When we feel anxiety, we can choose to do one of three things. We can resist it by pushing against it and tensing up…which makes it even worse. Or we can try to ignore it..which usually doesn’t work for very long. Or we can try to change it and become the master of it.
To change it, we have to lean into it and quietly watch it. Just notice that it’s there as if you were an outside observer. Then breathe deeply and relax your body. Notice what it feels like in your body. Anxiety just pretends to be necessary. But it’s really just a vibration in our body caused by our thoughts. It can’t hurt us.
It’s all within your control. You just have to master being present with it and allowing it to be there. I’ve learned to make friends with my anxiety and since then I haven’t had a single panic attack.
Stop Blaming Yourself
The responsibility for how we feel is always on us. That doesn’t mean you should go around blaming yourself for everything. Taking responsibility and blaming is not the same thing. Blaming yourself is painful. It says, “you’re wrong.” It will only result in you feeling disempowered, weak, hopeless and out of control.
Responsibility is different. It’s taking ownership of your life. It’s taking responsibility for what you say, do and feel. Responsibility is the opposite of blaming…it’s empowering. It gives you ownership over it. And that’s when you can begin to make the changes you want to make in your life.
Self-confidence comes from your beliefs about yourself. And you get to choose what you want to believe…no matter what you grew up believing. You can choose to believe something different about yourself TODAY. It doesn’t come easily and it does take practice. But you can grow your confidence if you’re willing to do the work.
Live in Emotional Adulthood
Emotional adulthood is emotional maturity through self-responsibility. It’s taking responsibility for our pain but also our joy and happiness. Not expecting other people to “make” us happy. It’s not expecting others to make us feel secure. Other people can’t do either of those things. How we feel comes from OUR thoughts, not theirs. Living in emotional adulthood means appreciating and embracing the fact that WE are the only ones who can hurt our feelings and that we do it with our thoughts.
Taking full responsibility for everything we feel, no matter what someone else does or doesn’t do is not easy, but it’s so worth the effort when we are able to do it. Living in emotional adulthood is so much more empowering.
Learn How to Manage Your Mind
All of the other secrets come down to learning this one skill…managing your mind. Every emotion we feel is because of our thoughts, no matter the circumstance. Our thoughts are what create our experience of life. Too many crappy thoughts = crappy life. How we feel is based on our thoughts and is what drives our actions. How we feel determines how we show up in life…in our relationships, our career, and with ourselves. And how we show up, what we do or don’t do, is what creates our results.
It all starts with our thoughts. Most of us don’t hesitate to bring our car in for a tune-up when needed. Or we go to the doctor when we’re not feeling well. Why do we not treat our brain the same? Our brain needs tune-ups too.
Stacy R. Landry
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