What Happened When I Got Coached
Even as a Life Coach, I have my own coach. She shows me what’s happening in my own brain. It’s always fascinating to take a look at what’s really going on in there…sometimes even shocking.
Recently, during one of my coaching sessions with her, I talked about a particular pattern that has been coming up for me…for years…in every area of my life. After she did some digging, it all came down to this one belief…”What I say and do doesn’t matter…it’s not important.” Ouch! I didn’t even notice that I was telling myself this over and over again…in my relationships, at work, with other people. And I knew exactly where it stemmed from as soon as it came out of my mouth.
Why had I never noticed this? Well, it’s because of discovery #2…I’m not really that good at dealing with my emotions. Whaaat?? I thought, “that’s just ridiculous…I’m really good at processing my emotions.” This is true…well, partly. When I allow myself to really feel the negative emotions that come up for me and I take a look at the thoughts causing them, I’m a rockstar. But…I’m not really good at allowing myself to feel these emotions without judging myself for them. Crap!
Let me share what this is creating for me in my life. When I believe that what I have to say or what I do isn’t important, I don’t share things with people. I don’t open up. I stay on a superficial level with people. I don’t share what’s really going on with me…with my fiance’, with my daughter, or with my family. I don’t share my ideas or opinions at work. And I bomb when it comes to vulnerability. In essence, I hide. I even hide from my own emotions and my own thinking.
Instead of sharing how I feel or what I’m thinking, I bitch and moan in my head instead. And then I push away the thoughts and feelings that come up by telling myself they’re not supposed to be there. The problem with this is that it allows things to fester and grow. By not really taking a look at what’s going on in my brain and what’s leading to it in the first place, it creates a lot of chaos in my mind.
This is exactly why little annoying problems that don’t get addressed turn into huge issues down the road.
I share this because I’m sure some of you can relate on some level, and there is a solution to all of this. We need to give ourselves permission to regularly ask ourselves what we’re feeling and why. And then just allow ourselves to feel what we feel without judgment. Only then can we really access the thoughts and beliefs that are creating how we feel in the first place.
So, allow yourself to feel. Find your thoughts. Let both be what they are without judging yourself for them. Just hold the space for them to be there and own them. Once you’re able to own them, then you can decide whether or not you want to change them.
Stacy R. Landry
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