Why Doesn’t He Love Me Anymore?
“Why doesn’t he love me anymore? Why I wasn’t enough.”
I hear this often from clients.
I used to think that a man’s lack of love for me meant I wasn’t enough…unworthy, not valuable enough, too much of something else, etc. “Why am I not worthy enough for him to ____?” was a question I often asked myself.
Maybe he told you that if only you did this (more sex, a better wife, weighed less) or stopped doing that (nagging, telling him what to do, spending), then he could love you more or fall back in love with you; or maybe you just told yourself that.
But, I’ll let you in on a little secret that took me years to figure out.
You being loved is NOT about you.
It’s about them. You don’t need to be or do anything differently to be lovable. Your lovability is an absolute. You are infinitely loveable…always have been and always will be.
Your lovability has only to do with the other person’s capacity to love.
Here’s why…our thoughts determine our emotions. Love is just another emotion that we choose for ourselves with our thoughts. Someone who doesn’t feel the emotion of love for you has everything to do with the thoughts they are thinking, not about who or what you are in the world.
So, if your ex doesn’t love you anymore, it’s because he doesn’t have the capacity to do so. He’s no longer choosing the emotion of love because of his own thinking. And it’s his choice alone. Even in the beginning when he loved you like crazy…it was about his capacity to love at that time, not about you.
You are as loveable as his ability, decision and capacity to love.
Knowing that now, I’ve been able to find compassion for him, and I no longer torture myself with “why wasn’t I enough?”
Don’t blame yourself for him not loving you anymore. It’s not about you.
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